Saints & Scandals
Blessed & Highly Judgmental: A Church Folk Story
Ever met someone who just doesn’t vibe with church folks? Not because they don’t believe in God, but because they’ve seen too much? Maybe they’ll claim a denomination, but the moment you invite them to church, they vanish like the last piece of jollof at a family gathering. I am one of those people.
Once upon a time, I decided to step out of my Catholic comfort zone and try a “Ghanaian” church. That experiment ended quickly. The madness I encountered had me sprinting back to the Catholics, never looking back. I can laugh about it now, but trust me, it wasn’t funny at the time.
One thing that still burns me, though, is the church’s obsession with public shaming—especially when it comes to pregnancy outside of marriage. It baffles me. It enrages me. And honestly? It makes me question a lot about how we practice faith.
Holy Hypocrisy: The Church’s Double Standard Playbook
I once knew a deaconess who was stripped of her title because her daughter got pregnant out of wedlock. As if that wasn’t enough, the poor girl was paraded in front of the congregation, publicly shamed, and excommunicated like some sort of biblical cautionary tale.
Meanwhile, in the same church, another deaconess’s son—by the age of 40—had managed to impregnate five different women without marrying a single one. And guess what? Mommy dearest still held onto her title like she was holier than the Pope. No public shaming, no excommunication, no “lesson” for the congregation. Just business as usual.
Make it make sense.
Church or Courtroom? The Jury of Holier-Than-Thou Folks Awaits
Isn’t church supposed to be a place of safety, of love, of community? A place where people can come as they are and find support? Then why is it that the moment someone stumbles, they’re cast out like they stole from the offering basket?
Pregnancy, in itself, is hard. The body changes in ways you didn’t sign up for, the hormones have you questioning your entire existence, and society—especially African society—already has a PhD in side-eyeing unmarried mothers. But on top of all that, the church decides to make an example out of you? When you need support the most?
And here’s the real kicker: why is it always the woman who gets excommunicated? Did she get pregnant by herself? Last I checked, science still requires a man for conception. So where’s his grand walk of shame? Why is she the only one bearing the punishment while he gets to keep living his life, no consequences in sight?
Blessed Are the Rational: The Catholic Church’s Surprisingly Sensible Side
Before you come at me with “But doesn’t your Catholic church excommunicate people too?” Yes, we do. But not for pregnancy. Instead, we tell you to go to confession, reflect, and receive support. No public flogging. No “you are now dead to us” speeches. Just guidance.
Because here’s the thing: excommunication, at its core, is supposed to be about unrepentant sin. It’s meant for those who refuse to acknowledge their wrongdoing. Not for people who got pregnant. Not for people who, last I checked, didn’t kill, steal, or renounce their faith—just engaged in a little pre-marital “hymnal practice.”
Beneath the Pages: The Bible’s Take You Won’t Expect
Now, I know some folks will throw scripture at me to justify these church punishments. So, let’s talk Bible.
Does the Bible say an unmarried woman who gets pregnant should be excommunicated? Nope. What it does talk about is sexual immorality, church discipline, and—wait for it—FORGIVENESS.
In John 8, when a woman caught in adultery was about to be stoned, Jesus literally told the mob to chill. He emphasized compassion over condemnation. So if Jesus himself wasn’t casting stones, why is your local church so eager to?
The only passage that even remotely touches on excommunication is Matthew 18, and that’s only if someone refuses to repent. So if the pregnant woman acknowledges her actions, seeks guidance, and wants to grow in faith, where’s the biblical justification for kicking her out?
Spoiler alert: There isn’t one.
Sermons and Scandals: Church Hypocrisy That Demands a Rethink
I wasn’t there when Jesus walked the earth, but I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t be on board with this nonsense.
Church discipline should be about restoration, not humiliation. It should encourage repentance, not drive people away from God. If a woman gets pregnant, support her. Help her navigate the challenges of motherhood. And if the man responsible is in the same congregation, make sure he shares in the accountability.
It baffles me that people don’t consider what this public shaming does to a person’s psyche. The long-term emotional and spiritual damage. The way it alienates people from faith altogether. But of course, as long as the church gets to maintain its illusion of moral superiority, who cares about the individual?
Space for Sanity: Why I Keep My Distance
Talking about religion and church practices always invites backlash. But I stand by what I said. Maybe in my next life, I’ll feel differently, but in this one? I keep my distance from certain church folks.
I still believe in God. I still believe in faith. But I have no interest in spaces that weaponize shame and call it righteousness. And don’t even get me started on church associations and women’s groups—whew, that’s a story for another day.
For now, I’ll just keep praying from a safe distance.
