It was supposed to be a perfect, romantic getaway. A secluded cabin, a crackling fireplace, no cell service—just the dreamiest weekend for Nora and Jake. Jake had even gone full Nicholas Sparks and planned a proposal, complete with a lakeside picnic and a ring hidden in an overpriced soufflé.
But then, Faye happened.
Faye, Nora’s best friend since their awkward middle school years, had the social awareness of a caffeinated raccoon and the persistence of a toddler demanding a lollipop. She’d heard about the trip and invited herself before Jake could even protest.
“Don’t worry,” Faye had said, already throwing her hiking boots in a duffle bag. “I’ll be like a ghost! A fun, chatty, incredibly present ghost.”
And that was how Jake’s romantic proposal weekend turned into a chaotic three-person circus.
The moment they arrived, Faye claimed the master bedroom, citing an old yoga injury that required a memory foam mattress. She then announced a strict itinerary of “bonding activities,” starting with a 6 a.m. bird-watching hike.
“You don’t even like birds,” Jake grumbled.
“That’s not true,” Faye said. “I respect them. From a distance. Preferably indoors.”
The hike was a disaster. Jake nearly broke an ankle trying to avoid a particularly aggressive goose, and Faye spent most of the time arguing with a squirrel who had, in her words, “a shifty look.” By the time they returned to the cabin, Jake was limping, Nora was exhausted, and Faye was energized—because apparently, causing chaos was her version of cardio.
Things only got worse at dinner. Jake had set the mood—candles, soft music, a perfectly plated meal—and just as he was about to pull out the ring, Faye shattered the moment by loudly FaceTiming her cat, Mr. Pickles.
“Mommy misses you SO much! Did you eat the gourmet tuna I left in your dish? Blink twice if Gerald from next door has been staring at you again.”
Jake clenched his jaw so hard he could hear his dentist shaking his head in disappointment.
By the next morning, Jake had reached his limit.
He woke up to Faye announcing that they’d be spending the day learning “foraging skills.” Jake had two choices: 1) Accept his fate and go pick mushrooms in the woods with his girlfriend’s overly enthusiastic best friend, or 2) Finally snap.
He chose the latter.
“That’s it!” Jake erupted. “Faye, I love Nora, but this—THIS—is insanity! You have hijacked this trip, ruined every romantic moment, and if I have to hear Mr. Pickles meow one more time, I swear I will start barking just to restore the balance of nature!”
There was a silence. Then, Faye grinned.
“Well, well, well,” she said, dramatically slow-clapping. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.”
Jake blinked. “What?”
Nora sighed, rubbing her temples. “Jake, there’s something you should know.”
Faye folded her arms and smirked. “I knew you were going to propose.”
Jake’s mouth fell open. “You—HOW?”
“I have my ways,” Faye said cryptically. “And let’s be honest, you’re not exactly Mr. Subtle.”
Nora patted Jake’s shoulder. “You do have a ‘proposal voice.”
Jake groaned. “Oh my God.”
“So,” Faye continued, “I needed to make sure you were worthy. Nora and I? We’re a package deal. If you couldn’t survive one weekend of my radiant energy, then what kind of husband would you be?”
Jake exhaled slowly. “You planned this whole thing…as a test?”
Faye nodded, looking proud of herself. “And guess what? You passed.”
Jake turned to Nora, who gave him a sheepish smile. “She kind of has a point,”
Jake shook his head, half in disbelief, half in exhausted admiration. “You two are…unbelievable.”
Faye shrugged. “Anyway, go ahead, propose.”
Jake ran a hand down his face. “Right now?”
“Yes,” Faye said. “And make it good, because I am live-streaming this for Mr. Pickles.”
Jake sighed. Then he turned to Nora, dropped to one knee, and pulled out the ring.
“Nora, I love you. Even when your best friend is emotionally terrorizing me. Will you—”
“YES!” Nora tackled him into a hug, and Faye squealed, immediately photobombing their moment by tossing confetti she had inexplicably been carrying the whole time.
Jake looked up at his new fiancée, then at Faye, who was wiping away tears while updating Mr. Pickles.
He sighed.
Welcome to the rest of your life, buddy.