The Accidental Theologian

Earlier this week, I had one of those conversations that make you stop and rethink your entire life. Someone asked me if I was Christian, and without hesitation, I responded, “No, I’m Catholic.” The second the words left my mouth, we both burst into laughter. As if Catholicism had somehow wiggled its way out of Christianity and was off doing its own thing. This little slip led to a deep dive into the fascinating world of Christianity and its many, many (did I say many?) denominations. And because I’m the kind of person who goes down rabbit holes and drags you along for the ride—buckle up.

How Martin Luther Said “Nope!”

If you know your history (or at least skimmed a Wikipedia page once), you’ll remember that for a long time, the Catholic Church was running the show. And then one day, in 1517, a German monk named Martin Luther woke up and basically said, “You know what? Forget this. I’m starting my own thing.” Thus, the Protestant Reformation was born. Suddenly, Christianity went from being one big, centralized organization to a never-ending list of denominations, each with its own beliefs, traditions, and ways of doing things.

Some of these groups are household names (Catholic, Baptist, Methodist), while others are like those obscure indie bands—cool, but you don’t hear about them as much (Quakers, Anabaptists, New Apostolic Church). So, let’s take a grand tour of the Christian landscape, shall we?

The Catholic Church: The Original Heavyweight

Catholicism is the OG of Christianity, with the Pope in Rome as its CEO. It’s all about the Bible and traditions passed down from the apostles. Catholics believe that salvation comes through faith, good works, and sacraments like baptism and communion. Also, if you’ve ever met a Catholic, you probably noticed their rosary game is strong. And yes, purgatory is a thing—a sort of spiritual waiting room before heading to heaven.

Orthodox Christianity: Catholicism’s Cool Cousins

The Eastern and Oriental Orthodox Churches are pretty similar to Catholics, but they don’t answer to the Pope. Instead, they follow ancient traditions, prayers, and icons (think religious art meets deep spiritual vibes). Salvation? Same mix of faith, good works, and sacraments. If Catholicism were a strict, rule-following older sibling, Orthodox Christianity would be the artsy cousin who still follows the family values but in a slightly different way.

Protestant Churches: The “DIY”& The Rebels Who Said ‘No Thanks’ to the Pope

Protestants broke away from Catholicism with the idea that the Bible alone (not church traditions) is the ultimate source of truth. No Pope, no central authority—just faith in Jesus and personal salvation. But within Protestantism, things get… complicated. Here are some key players:

 

Lutherans: The Original Protestants

Founded by Martin Luther in the 1500s, Lutherans believe salvation is through faith in Jesus alone, not good deeds. but still hold onto baptism and communion (just not as must-haves for salvation) Their services are simple and focused on Bible teachings. Think of them as the early adopters of the “faith over works” movement.

Baptists: The Dunkers
Baptists believe baptism is a personal decision, so no baptizing babies here. Only adults should be baptized (because, you know, babies can’t make spiritual decisions yet) They emphasize personal faith in Jesus and independent church governance. Salvation is by faith alone. Each church is independent—no bishops, just vibes. If you ever see someone getting fully submerged in a pool as part of their faith, chances are you’re at a Baptist church.

 

Methodists: The Holy Life Enthusiasts

Founded by John Wesley in the 1700s, Methodists believe in faith plus holy living. Their services are filled with Bible readings, hymns, and an emphasis on doing good in the world. They also believe in faith plus good works and worship involves Bible reading, preaching, and hymns (lots of them). They’re the “love your neighbor and volunteer at soup kitchens” crowd.

Presbyterians: The Elders’ Crew

Presbyterians believe in God’s control over everything and salvation by grace through faith in Jesus. Churches are led by elders, not a single pastor. Baptism is for both infants and adults, and Holy Communion is a key part of worship. Services are structured, focusing on scripture and sermons.

 

Pentecostals: The Holy Spirit’s Biggest Fans

Holy Spirit enthusiasts Ever seen someone speaking in tongues, prophesying, or dancing passionately during worship? Welcome to a Pentecostal church. They believe in the baptism of the Holy Spirit and the power of miracles, making their services the most lively and spontaneous of all Christian gatherings. If you’ve ever been to a Pentecostal church, you’ve probably seen people speaking in tongues, faith healings, and energetic worship sessions.

 

Anglicans (Episcopalians in the U.S.): The Middle Grounders

The Anglican Church is a blend of Catholic and Protestant beliefs; a middle ground you would say. They have bishops and communion but aren’t under the Pope’s rule. They keep some Catholic traditions but don’t answer to the Pope. Their services are formal but not overly rigid—think of them as the middle child trying to keep the peace in the Christian family.

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The “Not Quite Protestant, Not Quite Catholic” Crowd

Then there are groups that don’t fit neatly into the Protestant-Catholic-Orthodox box:

Jehovah’s Witnesses: Believe Jesus is not God, just His first creation. Also, no birthdays or Christmas for them.

Mormons (Latter-day Saints): Believe in the Bible AND the Book of Mormon. Also, God still speaks through prophets today.

Evangelicals: A movement within Protestantism focused on personal conversion, Bible authority, and missionary work. Worship is passionate, sermons are fire, and spreading the gospel is a priority.

 

Non-Denominational Churches: The Wild Cards

Some churches don’t like labels, so they just go by “Non-Denominational.” These churches are all about a simple, Bible-based approach with flexible, modern worship styles. If you’ve ever been to one, you probably noticed a lot of acoustic guitars and people in jeans.

The Restorationists: Back to Basics

These groups believe Christianity lost its way and needs to return to its original form.

We got the Amish, Mennonites, and Anabaptists who Live simply, believe in adult baptism, and emphasize community. If you’ve ever driven past a horse-and-buggy, you’ve likely met an Amish community.

We also have the Quakers(The Religious Society of Friends) who believe in direct experience with God, silent worship, and social activism. No formal clergy, no rituals, just vibes.

 

The Adventists, Charismatics, and Other Unique Groups

Seventh-day Adventists: Keep the Sabbath on Saturday and focus on Jesus’ Second Coming. They’re also really into healthy living.

Charismatic Churches: Heavy on miracles, healing, and spiritual gifts. Think Pentecostal but even more intense.

Christian Science: Believe sickness is an illusion that can be cured through prayer, not medicine. Doctors? Not really their thing.

Unitarian Universalists: Accept all religions as valid paths to truth. More about love and justice than strict doctrine.

New Apostolic Church: Modern-day apostles lead the church. Believe in Holy Spirit-guided leadership.

Messianic Judaism: Combines Jewish traditions with belief in Jesus as the Messiah.

 

What They All Have in Common

Despite their differences, all Christian churches agree on a few things. Jesus Christ: The main guy. Son of God. Savior. (Also, is “Christ” his last name? No, but let’s not go down that rabbit hole today.). The Bible: Whether it’s the only source of truth or supplemented with traditions, it’s central to all Christian beliefs. Faith and Salvation: Everyone agrees that belief in Jesus is key—whether good works are required is up for debate. Prayer and Worship: Every Christian group prays, sings, and worships in some way.

 

So Many Choices, One Common Thread

Christianity is like a giant buffet—so many options, each with its own flavor, but all based on the same core belief in Jesus. Whether you’re a quiet Quaker, a hymn-loving Methodist, or a Pentecostal who loves a good Holy Spirit dance, there’s a place for you in the Christian world. And hey, if you ever find yourself in a conversation about Christianity, at least now you’ll know that yes, Catholics ARE Christians. Lesson learned!

So, tell me, where do you belong on this list?